Alfreido's Blog

I blame you, iTunes!

Here I was, searching through the dance albums on iTunes when, whilst looking at another album (which incidentally also sucked), iTunes gleefully alerted me that listeners had also bought 24 Carat Gold by a German dance band called Scooter. I quickly Wikipedia’d the band and had a look at their discography. Funnily enough, I came across Ramp (The Logical Song), a song I used to enjoy listening to on the radio during my high school days (although the high-pitched voice grinded my insides like a sandpaper sandwich). I though I would give them a chance and proceeded to buy the album.

Boy, did I make a mistake or what?

I don’t know if it’s just what the Germans are into… repeticious, loud and overbearing music that automatically send you into a frenzy of finding the first object to rip your ears off with. Hell, Rammstein sound like they are trying to scream out a huge hairball caught in their throats in nearly 90% of the songs they have released. So maybe Scooter are just following proper German procedures when developing a record. But Scooter bring to the table a whole set of new annoyances as well.

You see, a typical Scooter includes the folllowing traits:

• Crowd cheering loops played in the background, to convince the listener that a lot of other people listen to this shit.
• H.P. Baxxter’s vocals have reverb effects applied to it to give the feeling that the performance is live (however, in some songs, the reverb is so crap it sounds like they were recording the vocals in a bathroom)
• A pitch-shifted voice sings the chorus. I didn’t know that Alvin and the Chipmunks were part of this band?
• The band uses any one of the following words and phrases (or a variant of it) almost exclusively during their songs:
  - Pump it up
  - Make some noise
  - Peace and unity
  - Faster
  - Harder
  Ironically, they could use both the phrases “Hit your face” and “Peace and Unity” together in the same song. Classy.
• The same bass drum and synth played throughout an entire album. Incidentally, it doesn’t sound like they change the tempo much.

There are some songs that stand out as the penultimate of mediocrity in Scooter’s repitoire (I will admit, there were 2 or 3 songs I did enjoy, but out of 20 or 30 singles that Scooter have released, that’s hardly a great batting average). The Age of Love is almost a proverbial turkey slap to the face of James Cameron (some would argue he deserves it, though) and shows that using a sample of the theme from The Terminator is not going to make your song better. Rebel Yell lives up to the stereotype that techno remixes just don’t work, especially when sourcing from rock music. Nessaja has an irritating chorus that you can barely understand, and the beat is sub-standard with pathetic synth. And H.P. Baxxter has the audacity to call this tripe drum and bass. Clearly he has no idea what constitutes a drum and bass song because It certainly doesn’t involve squeeky choruses and repetitous rubbish.

I’m honest, if I ever catch someone listening to this crap, I’ll turn their speakers/headphones off, I don’t care if I get smashed because of it.